I really, truly need to find solace.

And yet again, the childish bullshit starts. Cyndi posted a bulletin on Myspace last night about how the brothers need to stop fighting and such, not only because they're family, but because it IS the holidays and our daughter's 2nd birthday/anniversary of her death is right after Christmas. The bulletin is as follows:

"This is an open letter to all of my children. All 5 of you. I'm not going behind anyones back, I will name names when need be. I want all of you to know that I love you all very much. This letter is not written in anger. But I'm getting very fustrated, with the way everyone is treating each other. I don't like being put in the middle of things. I'm tired of he said ,she said stuff. the truth is getting mixed up. It starts one way then ends up a totally different way. For the life of me why don't you guys sit down and talk this out? First lets take Rico JR. I understand your upset, because your dad and I hosted ryan and jennifers rehersel dinner Why ? we do enough things for you. You don't seem to remember, that you and jj got an after party. After you were married. If you have a problem with this you should tell your dad and me. Now Ryan and Jennifer and Rickey and Amber, what has happened? you guys didn't need to have been concerned with each others wedding. This being said basically to Jennifer and Amber, You both had lovely weddings, you both looked beautiful. I just don't understand all of this she said he said stuff. Why do you let that upset and bother you?. Is it really worth it? Why did you guys even listen?You both should of not paid any attenison to each others wedding and just conentrated on your own. you both did a wonderfull job putting your weddings together. Now theres tenison between Rickey and Ryan over this, which I being their mother really upsets me. I don't like to see them fight . they don't talk even when their in the same room. This is so stupid, and childish."






So first Ryan replies with this:

" And I will speak the truth and my own opinion...I agree, Alot of "He Said She Said" shit happens in this family. First off! There should be NO REASON why Buddy should be mad at you guys because you helped us out with an after party...I don't understand why the fuck someone gets mad at each other instead of happy?! In my own opinion, I think Buddy and JJ were jealous because what would another reason be? I remember hearing that my mom and rico did ALOT for your wedding...and what did I say? Absolutlely NOTHING! I was happy for both of you guys because I knew My mother cared about helping you guys out(and she still does to this day...more than me!). There wasn't one ounce of jealousy in me, and I know that my mom does alot for you so there is NO REASON to be jealous that my motherhelped you out! and you shouldn't of had any problems because we're family! you should of been happy for the both of us just like Me and Jennifer were with you...Another thing I would like to throw out is Why did you give us stickers for our wedding? I hope you know that REALLY Hurt us to know that's all what we were worth to you...If you would of came to me and told me that you couldn't afford anything I would of been cool...but to give us stickers for our wedding wasn't right after I Gave you money for your wedding and I got you a very nice mug as a thank you for being in the wedding...and all you gave me was a card and stickers... Ok and as for Rickey and Amber...Mom how would you feel if you heard Monica outside her window saying that she doesn't want anything to do with you after the wedding? You would be hurt! Just like I was...So I don't want nothing to do with him cause I'm done...I say Hi to him when I see him and I have no problem socializing with him at family events because I know he is my brother but if he doesn't want anything to do with him I don't want no part with him...and I am STILL PISSED about the way he talked to Jennifer, There was no reason to call her a dike...that is not right...I don't understand what his issue was with her, she never did anything to him!...to be honest with you Jennifer and Amber were getting along great, now Jennifer can't even be her friend. I want to know why Rickey and Amber didn't want to talk to us? To be honest, I think it was because of the wedding. I think it was all jealousy. I want to know why as soon as we plan our wedding in october you guys plan yours in the same month. When I proposed to Jennifer, Rickey did the same with Amber...Now I'm not saying that you guys are Jealous of us. I'm just wondering if it was Jealousy, and if you guys wanted to be the first ones....??? I just don't understand why you guys got pissed at us....When we had you guys over Rickey Supposedly said that he didnt like the way I was treating him...I don't know what I did wrong? I offered you something to drink and I was being very nice. You guys always complain that we never tried to do stuff with you but we did. We invited you over the last time, and it felt like you guys were trying to bring up any excuse not to come over...I didn't do anything to Rickey but it seems like Rickey gets mad at me for everything I do...like My Michael Tattoo and My HDTV,I feel like Rickey is always trying to compete with me when I'm not even trying. I just like to have nice stuff. I don't understand why rickey is still mad at me about the tattoo? You're a free man! you can go get your own Michael Tattoo...There's millions of people with Michael Tattoos and you get mad at me for having one? Yes I admit I was wrong shoving it in your face with the text message. I'm sorry about that...I was being stupid. Shit get pushed around in this family, and to be honest with you...it's all of the girls...Amber, I must say that everyone in this family knows you stir shit up, the day when Rickey Blew up we caught you in a lie"

First of all, I gave them scrapbooking materials for their wedding. Stickers, paper, etc. Why? Amber gave them a scrapbook. Gee, maybe they'd need those things to make a scrapbook! And what do I have to be jealous of? Please tell me. You have an HDTV? A new car?? Oh, your wife is hotter than me? Boo-hoo. Since when am I materialistic??!! I have a reason to be fat (which he's said before, as well as his wife would look better than i did if she had been in my wedding), it's called childbirth and steroids. What's your wife's excuse?

Mind, this was about 4 pm yesterday. I didn't see this until after 10 pm. At 5 or so, Cyndi also posted this:

"Rickey and Ryan you both were supposed to be in each other weddings. Didn't happen. That really messed me up. You guys are brothers, your blood. All because of he said she said stuff. I've lost track on what was said, so much stuff was said, I can't even remember. It was just words. But you guys are brothers. When your father and I are gone all you have is each other and that is scary. Yes,you'll have your own families, but as you get older, ( this has started happening to me ) you start to want to go back to when you were kids and the fun you had growing up, remembering the stupid things you did . Thats what keeps you going. The three of you need each other, you are bonded. Nobody can take that away. Amber has that with her sisters and so does Jennifer. Put this behind you and move on. Don't you guys relise what fun you can have together? I don't even have that. My sister lives 500 miles away. I can't hang out with her the way you guys can. Why do you think I look at the slides? Remembering the fun Monica and I had. Now as for Randy, Because of all this fighting among you Christmas is not what it should be. I'm tired of all this fighting. Last Christmas, I couldn't belive that Betty did not come into the living room to do presents because you guys were fighting. I never got to watch her open presents, see her face nor did I get a thank-you .this is why your getting a gift card.Not to be mean, but you told me you were not comming over for Christmas so i bought you guys a gift card."

To which Ryan replied:

"The reason why He wasn't in the wedding was because He told us he wasn't sure that he wanted to be in the wedding...so if you don't want to be in your own brothers wedding you don't have to be! That wasn't me! Rickey wasn't sure so he wasn't in my wedding because I think that's fucked up that you don't want to be in your own brothers wedding...Mom, I already wanted to go back as kids because I miss hanging out with them and wrestling with them, we were happy brothers but I don't know what happened either. I don't understand why we can't even hang out...well I can understand Randy Because Randy isnt Randy anymore..."

Um, isn't that really hypocritical?!

Cyndi ended the conversations at 5:30 with:

"Christmas was not a fun time last year. It seems that somebody is always fighting and no more. I love Christmas time, I love having my family here. And if no one wants to be here thats fine too. Just let me know. And Randy don't get an attiude, from what I said, I just spoke the truth. Whats going to happen when the time comes next year when the family pictures are taken? Is this going to be a problem? I hope not!!! I'm looking forward to that and CHRISTMAS

I LOVE ALL OF YOU.

MOM

P.S.Ryan because I don't know who is talking to who, please give a copy to your brother Randy"

And Ryan says:

"First off families shouldn't be fighting at all...I don't care if you say "Oh it's ok once in a while" no it's not! we should care about each other...we shouldn't be mad at each other or get jealous of each other, families don't do that!"

Completely the opposite of what he said an hour ago.

I really want out. We are going to Rickey's first, because he and Amber deserve to know what's been going on. Then, with or without them, we are going to Ryan's house to confront him. This is seriously old. We have to now talk shit on Myspace?! Are you serious?! Are we in the fucking 8th grade?!!!

SAVE MIDNIGHT SUN!!

As many of you know, Midnight Sun was halted after "someone" illegally leaked the rough draft to the public via the Internet. I found a website dedicated to saving the book, and it has a petition! Go sign!!

http://www.savemidnightsun.com/petition.aspx

RIP Sheila Renee Hines

On Saturday 29 November, my cousin's daughter passed away. She was a year old.

Rest In Peace

Sheila Renee Hines

11-02-07//11-29-08

Greatly Missed, Never Forgotten

Lost Family

Well, my husband finally got a job. A real job is what I should say. In addition to his part-time job at a well known electronics chain, he got a job at a nursing home (he's a licensed state tested nursing assistant). The new job pays well too.

This couldn't have come at a better time, because our vehicle has decided to go to hell. We just replaced the radiator, and now have to replace the water pump and heating coil, and possibly the head gasket. Lovely. And let me tell you, being in Ohio with no heat is absolutely WONDERFUL. I love walking through 5 inches of snow and then being cold in the car too. Not.

Also, I got hurt at work last week Friday. I work for an internationally known home improvement chain. I was lifting a bucket of Ice Melt (a non-corrosive chemical that melts ice and snow in the winter) which weighs 50 pounds (22.6796185 kg) for a customer. My pant leg got stuck on a nail that was on the pallet and when I shifted my weight, I lost my balance and fell, and the bucket fell on my leg. Ouch. It's not broken or sprained, but it's nastily bruised and swollen. Worker's Compensation is paying my medical bills (so far) and paying me for the two days I had to call off. For now they have me on seated duty, and we will see what happens next week.

My birthday is tomorrow (22/November/2008) and it's turning out to be awful so far. If my injury and car problems weren't enough, more was added to my plate. This is where my title of the entry comes in.

Today my father-in-law came to pick me up to take me to work (my husband was at work with the car) and had his sister in the car with him. No big deal. Until they ambushed me. I was basically called a liar for God knows what, told that I'm a horrible person, and also told that his father "doesn't give a fuck" about me or my husband, nor does he care if we lose our jobs over him harassing us AT our jobs. Nice, right? Then, after I had no reaction, they tried to say that my husband was all these horrible things that they had just called me, trying to throw him under the bus, so to speak, to see if I would turn on him. Even nicer. So I spent the first hour of my day at work in the bathroom crying my eyes out. After they left, they went to my husband's work, and harassed him. He almost got fired today because of that. Not that they cared. My husband was told that we are disowned and they want nothing to do with us or our child.

It's now clear what has been going on in our family. A month or so ago his father made this big deal of telling me who were his favorite daughter-in-laws. First was his stepson's wife, Jennifer. Then myself and his other stepson's wife Amber (we are good friends, "coincidentally"). Then the third stepson's wife, Betty. All he talks about is Ryan and Jennifer this and that. Ryan isn't even his son, and he's made it a point, as has Ryan. Yet he is treated better than we are. Rickey and Amber are treated better than us too, but not by much, and they know how wrong they do us. Betty and Randy were disowned a long time ago.

So this is most of what's been going on here...sorry for the late update, but work and doctors have kept me busy. I will update ASAP, but I have to get going. I am using my dad's computer and our car is getting buried in snow as we speak. So we need to get home while we still can.

Love, and other indoor sports....

JJ

Anyone>?

Just a question...where can I get a cool layout for this blog?? I can't find ANY!!!

First Ever Post

It's my first ever post, and where to begin? Now, to the confessional.



My husband is lazy. He barely works. We are on the verge of losing our home. I will not have a birthday party, or a decent holiday, seeing as that we have no money, we have to pay our rent, and bills, and we have yet to pay his cousin back for loaning us rent money. I hate myself for putting up with it. Now, I know the easy solution is to leave, but that won't change much. I'll still be broke, and then in addition, I'd be alone. I love my husband more than anything, but I'm terrified of what will happen if things don't change soon. He hasn't had a job in over a month. I work part time, but usually work 32-40 hours a week. I pay for our healthcare and dental. I've been paying our rent, and cable/phone/internet. We haven't paid our gas or electric in 5 months. They are going to get shut off here soon. I can't ask his family for help, because I've aided his charade, and they are under the impression that he's been working this whole time. I can't ask mine for help, because they think the same. Our friends are in the same boat. I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I feel like Jenny from Forest Gump...

"Dear God, please make me a bird so I can fly far far away..."